My Morning Talk Show

Wouldn't you know it - seven and a half weeks of school left and I finally got the morning routine down. Of course I still scream my head off with the same orders: Eat your BREAKFAST! Brush your TEETH! Get your socks on....NOW! But it's always at the same time every morning - my neighbors could set their clocks to it.

So this morning as we were walking, not running to school, both boys started talking to me at the same time. It's not unusual and my sleep deprived mind could care less what the hell they're talking about. But this morning, being on track for the third day in a row, I could actually hear both of them on either side of my head. It just so happened that the three-year old was on my right; registering to the left side of my brain. And Zuki - oh, that Zuki - the Kindergartner-graduate-to-be was on my left, subconsciously sabotaging my creative side with his made up stories.

I listened to The Zuki and Samu Morning Talk Show and heard various details of Zuki's imaginary friend, Doctor Ripperts (just so you know, Doctor Ripperts is not a doctor - that's his first name). Doctor Ripperts was going on a trip today and coming over for dinner tonight at 10pm. Oh, lovely! I say.

"Yeah, so make something good. Not chicken." Zuki commands.

All the while, Samu is commenting on every piece of litter that's on the floor - and in New York, that's at least one gum wrapper every square foot. He points to an empty bag of Dorito's, What is that - What's it doing on da floor - Who PUT that there - Dat's Grrooss, right? Do birdies wear birdy pajamas at night?

It was getting inane but it's not like Howard Stern wasn't and I used to listen to that all morning. I'm just glad Samu didn't notice the condom wrappers strewn along the sidewalk. If he asked me what it was and I answered that I didn't know, then he'd pick it up. If I told him what it was, then he'd pick it up. Either way, if he had seen it then by passers would have seen me fighting with a three-year old to drop that condom wrapper! Luckily, it didn't happen.

Instead, as we approached the school, Zuki yanked on my arm and told me he needed to ask me something important.

"Do I have school today?"

"No, Zuki!" Samu interjects. "You are going to JAIL!"

I was waiting for someone to say, we'll be right back after this commercial. Tomorrow, I'm bringing my coffee with me.