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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Clearly, I'm Not The Superhero Type

Iron Man 2, what can I say? If you have boys of your own, you're going to wind up seeing this movie regardless of the reviews. Luckily, it's not as bad as one of those dates that drag you to see Hannah Montana or anything starring J. Lo. Though you won't be raising any IQ's with Iron Man 2, you won't be bored either.

First off, there's Plenty O' Bad Ass in this movie. Starting with Mickey Rourke, who plays Ivan Vanko or Backlash/Whiplash, Long-lasting Lash - oh, what-EVERRR. Once you get over wondering what happened to Mickey Rourke's face, you will enjoy watching him kick Downey Jr.'s butt. It's like he walked off the set of The Wrestler and continued in character only now he has a Russian accent and black hair. He's still smug and says little but I don't care, I like Mickey Rourke and I'm glad he's busy again. By the way, are those his real fingernails?

The next and not least Bad Ass, as always - Mr. Samuel L. Jackson. They need to make a mask of the expression he makes. You know, the one that could make Albert Einstein feel like a dumb ass for splitting an atom. It's the expression that starts with him dropping his chin to his chest, rolling his eyebrows up and taking a breath before he says, "you did what, mutha fuckah?"

Yes sir, if this mask existed, I would wear it on the top of my head so I could just slide it over my face in two seconds the moment one of the three men in my house asked me something. Anything. They'd have their answer and I'd get to conserve my energy for more productive things, like grooming - my hair is a mess.

Now, my husband was really upset when he learned that Terrence Howard would not be playing Rhody. I had to cradle my 198 pound husband in my arms until he stopped sobbing - that's how hard it is for him to adjust to change. But Don Cheadle did good by him, although I thought they didn't quite have the same "buddy" chemistry. For instance, I would never believe the Terrence Howard Rhody would just up and steal his best friend's Iron Man suit but Don Cheadle's Rhody I could. In any case, I hope they don't change actors again until my husband loses at least ten pounds.

My favorite scene was the Black Widow fight scene towards the end. I may have some lesbian tendencies in thinking this, but there's just something about chicks in black, kicking serious butt in slo-mo that is sooooo special. After all, when you've had your fill of bad fight scenes won by Chuck Norris and Steven Segal you get bored of the wrinkled, balding male testosterone angst. Even Mel Gibson makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I'm not Seth Green or nothing but, thank God for boobs.

You can tell I don't get out much anymore. Iron Man 2 - good times.


  1. we are going thursday evening I hope it rocks ....I loved the first one

  2. You can't go wrong with Iron Man!

  3. I haven't seen either, but they look like they'd make a fun rental night. I have a daughter. We watch princesses and fairies. I am fairly certain I have no lesbian but I definitely celebrate kick ass women, whatever they are doing. I have to say, there is something about Mr. and Mrs. Smith that makes my mouth drop over Angelina.

  4. Then you'll probably go Gaga over Scarlett Johansson, too.