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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Puker

Forget Susan Boyle, my son's got talent. Yes sir, when he wants out of school he can make his temperature go up to 98.9 and earn him a trip to the nurses office who inevitably has to call me and ask that I take him to his pediatrician.

Three out of the four times, he faked it.

Yesterday, he used a different strategy, however - he puked.

The nurse called me and said, "Kazuki just threw up!" For a second, I thought he might have tossed his cookies on her or maybe in the classroom - she sounded so alarmed. But alas, my son is a diplomatic puker but a puker nonetheless.

He was always able to make himself throw up to get out of trouble - a bad report card, a broken toy, a mysterious bruise on his brother's forehead. Instead of owning up to it, he would just heave until he produced something. Then really, what could we say other than, are you okay?

So, I picked him up at school and wouldn't you know it - three lovely girls escorted him down to meet me. The Kindergarten Sirens. Alondra had his school bag, Melissa was holding his hand and Maria...I don't know what Maria was doing but my three-year old was really interested in her.

The security guard asked if I needed to speak with the nurse - tip of the day, if your kid doesn't have a note from the nurse and you don't speak to her, chances are she won't be able to tell you to keep the kid home the next day. No news is good news - so, No Nurse!

I took his hand, "C'mon Cassanova."

When he stepped outside it was like jailbreak...again.

He horsed around with his younger brother and when he saw my mother, he asked her for a toy. Yes, a toy. I thought to myself, oh this boy is definitely sick, alright. Then his younger brother took out a PB&J sandwich and started eating it. Well, when Zuki saw that, he looked at me and said he was hungry and could he have something to eat.

Something to eat?

"I thought you said your belly hurt?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah. My belly hurts. I don't wanna eat nuffin," he said.

If he was disappointed about the food he wasn't going to get, he was devastated when I told him No to TV, Yes to Homework, No to cookies and Yes to a nap.

"Aw man! That's boring!"

Boring. Can you believe it? He cuts school and expects Norwegian Cruise activities. All I can say is, he's going to be home with me all summer and I got plans for him, yo! There ain't no way he can cut summer vacation at home.

Merciless...merciless Mom.

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