Clash Of The Titans Weekend

When my good friend suggested we hook up at the beer garden in Astoria, my old tour coordinating senses went into gear. I concocted a fool-proof plan of taking the kids to the movies before the party since the two places were only a block apart. We made a 4:30pm show at the UA Kaufman theater to see Clash Of The Titans in 3D. The timing worked out beautifully, the movie was another matter.

My husband hated it and I guess I could have too if it didn't cost us $59 just to get in. No, for that amount I forced myself to like it - even if the only bit I enjoyed was watching English actors playing Greek men in short skirts and braided hair. The only merit to the remake is that it made me truly appreciate the original made in 1981. For some reason, I thought it was even older than that - what with the claymation Medusa and all. But at least the original was all around endearing.

The remake by Louis Leterrier made a fatal mistake in casting Sam Worthington as Perseus. He may as well have cast Jason Stratham and called it Transporter Of The Titans. His gangster British accent didn't correlate with his character and he made Perseus seem like a stuck up idiot. First he's moping, then he's in denial of being a warrior and then all the sudden he's bad ass. Plus, his legs were too skinny to be sporting a mini-skirt. He would have redeemed himself if his balls popped out - in 3D.

I should have realized the "suck" potential by looking at the director's other movies, The Incredible Hulk, Transporter  and Transporter II. All of these movies have one thing in common for me, I hate the protagonist. Oh, well. What else could I do?

After a while, I just let it go and resolved to get lost in the 3D scenery - fuck Perseus and the brown-eyed chick. Although I admit, I loved the giant scorpions and Medusa's headless body clawing for her killer but the Kraken - it was a HUGE disappointment. It was just too big. You couldn't relate to anything that large, there's just no comparison. The original movie had the right idea. They made the Kraken the size of Godzilla. That, I can relate to. As a matter of fact, the remake should have just made the Kraken, Godzilla.

But I can't say anything bad about Liam Neeson or Ralph Fiennes, who played Zeus and Hades respectively. They could have and should have switched roles midway just to fuck with the audience. I never realized how much they look alike.

So, if you're thinking about seeing Clash Of The Titans, my recommendation is this - go see it but not in 3D. And if you want to have a great time instead of just a good one, maybe you should smoke some pot before you go.