The Allergy King

For the second time this week, I found myself at CVS trying to rack up fifteen dollars in shit so I could use my three dollar discount coupon. It is a ridiculous tactic to fall for but I fall for it everytime. Today, it so happened that I had to purchase allergy stuff for my five-year-old - that's easily ten bucks right there.

Childrens Claritin isn't doing squat. His eyes are puffed out like Ren and Stimpy and he just looks miserable. The school nurse called me and warned me, she did me a favor by keeping him in school but After School was a "No Go." I'd better pick him up armed with some real drugs.

So, there I was looking for Zyrtac eye drops at CVS. Of course they don't carry it, but I thought if I kept staring at the shelves it might magically appear. As I'm perusing my phantom drugs, who should walk in but the "Allergy King." I noticed him when he entered the aisle swinging a briefcase like it was a Prada purse. He wore a scarf in this 70 degree weather.

Immediately, he pounced on the young couple who were undecided about which medication to purchase.

"Oooh, do you have allergies?" He asked. "Because if you do, I can help you. I'm the Allergy King!"

The funny thing is, I've worked with Queens before and I always find it ironic when they call themselves 'Kings' but - whatever.

So he gives the girlfriend the third degree - are you looking for an expectorant, are you mucousy, are you experiencing itchiness, etcetera, etcetera. What does he send them off with? Claritin. You suck, Allergy King - that's all I got to say about that.

For my poor little guy, all I could find was "Clear Eyes" for allergies and I stuck with Benedryl. It knocks them out and they love the flavor. They act like it's crack. I got the three-year-old clinging to my leg, can I have some more, Mommy - some more meddecent- pleeeeze?

On a final note, I had helped my five-year-old with his social studies homework since he couldn't go to After School and I learned something new. The first instruction was, "Find your state and color it green," so he enthusiastically colored New York with his favorite color. The second part was, "Find the state you would like to visit and color it yellow."

His first choice was Texas, so I asked him why he chose it.

"Because it's like Aruba." He answered. When I told him that, other than the heat, it's nothing like Aruba he picked another state - this time it's Minnesota.

"Why do you want to visit Minnesota?" I asked.

With all seriousness that can be mustered of a five-year-old he answered, "Because it's made of soda."

Hope his allergies are better tomorrow so he can go to school and find out what Minnesota is really made out of, yah.