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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Words Of Wisdoom

I was lucky that my parents couldn't yell at me in English. Having been spared the "You're such an embarrassment, I can't take you anywhere," phrase growing up made it a new litany for me to use. I found myself repeating it many times on dates with my husband. To tell you the truth, he didn't have to work hard at it.

Sure, the boys embarrass me, too but seriously - where am I going to take them that would showcase me in that scorching spotlight of shame - Burger King? Besides, they take things for face value. If I said, "I can't take you anywhere," they'd bring that up as we're leaving for school.

Sometimes face value is funny, like when I told the four-year old that he'll grow taller as he gets older and his big brother the Air-head asked, "Are you older than Baba(grandma)?"

"Baba is my mother," I said, "how could I be older?"

"Well, you're taller than her."

The thought of explaining DNA to an air head was just too harrowing. I just told him that she's shrinking and they should be good to her before she disappears.

Boys will believe anything if it sounds magical.

And how it sounds is how it's spelled. They both have a diary, well, a composition book. On the front cover of the four-year old's are some symbols that are supposed to be his name. The Air-head's says, "Direy". It's not enough that he sees the "Diary Of A Wimpy Kid" DVD on the shelf everyday.

He told me his diary is private and I said, "Good for you."

"Do you want to read it?" He asked as he showed me his pages and pages of chicken scratch.

I am forced to read it. "Fire men are halping the fire is not cool. Fire men are halping the please men."

Of course fire is not cool and cops, as far as I know, never say "please".

Who could blame him, the English language is a cantankerous cacophony for many adults - imagine what it must sound like for children. After numerous corrections my boys still call their bed cover a "blanklet" and reply to their whereabouts with, "I hadded to go to the bafroom!"

If I left it up to our school system, this is what I look forward to. A teenaged kid was selling chocolate on the subway and his pitch went, "I'm not sellin' candy for any teams or nothin', the honest of the truth is, I'm sellin' it for myself, so I can do the right thing and not wind up in jail."

I know what you're thinking, "Wow, he speaks English bad."

Oh the jail thing? Yeah, he's right. He won't wind up in jail for selling chocolate on the subway - he'll get a ticket for soliciting.

On a final note, my four-year old was playing with sight word flash cards and got all excited when he figured out one of them. "Mommy, can you help me find "Where" like "where is my toy?""

With the one he found and the one that said "Where," he paraded around the house reading them aloud.

Yeah, the future of our English language is doomed - wouldn't you agree?


  1. English began as a bastard language.

  2. And we'll keep bastardizing it until we're speaking Latin, I suppose!

  3. Since we already established that English began as a bastardized language, allow me to bastardize some more. Your boys are adorkable! Adorable+dorky. I know they will get by. I'm a living proof.

  4. That's absotively, posolutely the best encrochament yet!

  5. The please man is the police man? I like their version better. Too funny!

  6. Good idea on the shrinking - my 5 year-old twins still think you keep growing indefinitely. Like somebody 100 years old should be about 8 feet tall... I shall try your magic shrinking explanation. :)

  7. You'd think he'd figure it was po-lice since the riff-raff at the park refer to them as the "Po-Po" but whatever.

    And yes, do try the "shrinking" tale. They'll want to hang around old people for a while after that.

  8. Under Where? haha! That's cute- and I think "Direy" is adorable. The English language is so difficult and most don't even realize it. Super post- Love kids, love writing and love grammar. This post is a score on all counts- :)

  9. I love that you told them she was shrinking and they had to be nice to her before she disappears!

  10. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the comments. What's surprising is that he didn't ask for the card that said "pants" - guess survey said that's the #2 answer.

    Megan- I think subconsciously it had something to do with a little character in the Wizard of Oz - wink-wink-gnudge-gnudge.

  11. LOVE your blog! Thanks for the smiles...I feel something like twelve months pregnant these days, so I'll take all the giggles and grins I've got coming to me. :)

  12. Michelle, I know what you mean. Well, I did - you get it. Feel free to come by anytime for more.

  13. Underwhere! hahaha. I would have laughed at that in first grade and STILL find it funny.

  14. Yeah, I'm a little afraid of what's going to happen when he actually starts reading and writing.