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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Simple Machines

Homework is one of those butt-pains in life. It's like laundry or vacuuming - it's bearable if you can pay someone else to do it. Otherwise, all it takes is a little concentration and you'd be done with it in no time. For our second-grader, a little concentration is like saying, all you need is a Masters in quantum physics. Concentrate, according to him, is orange juice.

But he has his moments. From his Ziploc baggie of books he borrowed from school, we read a non-fiction book called "Simple Machines." It was about, well, simple machines.

"Some need fuel."

"Others electricity."

Still others required the dreadful, inefficient power of man!

Thank God I had three cups of green tea because I was falling asleep. Before you do, let me cut to the chase. The simple machines (as in the title) the information went into were pulleys, wedges and inclined planes.

Here, I pictured my friend Swan singing Beethoven's Fifth with the words "We're Not Im-pressed." Try it - you won't be able to hear the song without the lyrics next time.

Anyway - pulley's. I asked Zuki if he knew what a pulley was.

"Sure. It's underwear."

Under...wear? What's he taking...flashcard cues from his brother?

"No, silly - that's Pull Ups."

He laughed like it was a common mistake. Reminded me of that scene in "Dumb and Dumber," when Jim Carrey thought Samsonite was the name of the suitcase's owner. Man, I was WAY off!

Moving right along. The book went into wheels - you know, the best thing to come along since sliced bread? Well, if you attach a couple of wheels to an axle, you can make a cart! Who knew?

"I know what an axle is," Zuki said.

"You - you do...?" I asked skeptically.

"It's when you go-" Here he proceeded to inhale and exhale dramatically.

How he figures that wheels can be attached to breath is just too scary to think about.

Okay, last one. Wedge according to the Air Head Zuki: "It's when someone pulls your pants up and it goes "erk"(car break sound effect) in your butt."

"That's a wedgie - this is a wedge."

"Yeah, but it still goes up your butt, right?"

You know...I didn't even bother to answer that one.


  1. He is, clearly, wise beyond his years.

  2. If you put the words "No dogs allowed" into Beethoven's Fifth, you get the same effect. I got that, of course, from one of the Peanuts cartoons, when Snoopy was torn between Charlie Brown and his first owner, a young girl who was sick, got better, and lived in a condo that had a sign posted that said....You gotta say it like the voiceover did, very baritone and slow.

  3. Bwahahahaha! I am loving this kid a little more each post. Can I borrow Kazuki for the weekend? Send Isamu too, please...

  4. Megan - I suppose it is wisdom of a sort.

    Steven - That's so funny, I TOTALLY remember that Peanuts episode. Guess you could sing, "Get me a beer," now that I think about it.

    Adrienne - Think I should send him to School of Comics?

    You can borrow Kazuki anytime- Mikaela and Ayana could teach him a thing or two.

  5. To me, Beethoven's Fifth = "Nobody's home." It's from an ancient advertisement for answering machine jingles and such. I totally just showed my age.
    Your kid rocks.

  6. Hahaha gotta love the pulley remark! I can't even fathom first grade homework *cringe*

  7. Does he mix up superhero names, also? My 6 year old called his Transformers hero, Optimus Prime, but the awesome name of "Octopus Prime" for a few months. I couldn't bear to correct him, because in addition to being an epic word mixup, Octopus Prime sounds like a way more awesome superhero, too. :)

  8. Is my comment lost? What's the soup du jour?

  9. Oh my, how I would love to be a fly on the wall in your home :)
    Technically speaking, Zuki's right and a "wedgie" can also be a "wedge"...because well, you know...:D

  10. -Answering Machines...I remember those things.

    -You think first grade homework is bad? Second grade homework is downright BORING!

    -Octopus Prime. Some Sushi chef is going to capitalize on that.

    -Soup Du Jour is German Potato Soup. If that ain't P90X, I don't know what is.

    -My husband agrees that since wedgie is derived from a wedge, Zuki is technically correct.