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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Iron Fist Of The Lego Master

Every Fall for as long as I can remember, I get a case of laryngitis. In the beginning stages, it actually sounds sensuous, like Demi long as I stick to nonsensical sayings like, "Mr. Redford, I'm here for the million dollars you'll pay me to sleep with you."

But mostly, I sound like Joan Rivers or any drag queen with a New York accent. Even my cheeky four-year old took to mimicking me - repeating my orders to finish his breakfast with the raspiest voice he could muster. The little turd.

My lack of vocal projection has, on a good note, coerced my husband to accompany us on a play date at the park. Now, just so you know, my husband does NOT do play dates. The last time he did, he got a time out for not sharing his Star Wars Legos - yeah, he's a little possessive of those things.

Seeing that this play date was at the park, with no Legos involved, it seemed fool-proof as far as my husband's behavior was concerned. Besides, with me not having my voice range to yell every thirty seconds like I usually do, having him as back up was more of a safety precaution. After all, somebody needs to yell, "Quit playing dead in the middle of the playground," before they get run over.

All was going well - for two and half hours the boys played with their "dates" and various other friends who happened to have the same idea of enjoying a day at the park. Towards the end of our visit, they spread out their tiny trinkets of Ben 10 figures and those tiny ducks and frogs that feel like sticky snot. Among five boys, they played civil, trading and sharing as the Lego Master, a.k.a. my husband watched on.

Then the kids from the "Take-from-all-crew" showed up.

The crew, for the most part are cool - I know the kids and their parents we say hello, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. It's just, well, those folks have been used to a government that "distributes the wealth," if you know what I mean - so in their eyes, nothing "belongs" to anybody. In my eyes, however, it's practically stealing. I've seen those kids hop on other kid's scooters, take other kid's balls, take toys from babies - without asking. To make matters worse, they can get very defensive when you ask them to return it. At times, you're like, "WTF?"

So when two of those kids crashed the little Ben 10-Snot-trinket party, grabbing a handful of toys and proceeded to walk away, well - you bet Lego Master was infuriated.

He told them they could play with whatever toy they wanted but they had to stay in the circle.

They didn't like that. So they dumped a few of toys back and figured they could walk away with a couple. Lego Master put his foot down, and they threw back all the toys. Except for one. The girl - who went to daycare with my 7-year old, actually hid one trinket in the palm of her hand.

"Little lady," Lego Master said, "you better give back their toy."

And she did.

Wow - I thought, that was effective. On the one hand, I respected his diplomacy. On the other hand, it pissed me off how kids will listen to Dads - any dad - quicker than they do any Mom. In any case, it got me thinking...I should lose my voice more often.

Humongosaur or Snot Frog?


  1. Why DO they listen so much better to a guy?

  2. Right? Makes me think I should grow a beard and do something productive with these witch-hairs.

  3. Maybe you should use your scary laryngitis voice. That might be effective too.

  4. Hmmmm.....I probably would have snatched it back. haha! Haven't had that problem yet because my kids take to smackdowns when someone swipes a toy. We're working on that. :)

  5. @Twinisms - I'm afraid Drag Queen voice isn't as scary as some of the hairy grandmothers that tote them about.

    @Crittersandcrayons - Kiddie WWF at the playground, huh? That sounds like a hot ticket.

  6. Oh, I sympathize with your husband - I can get quite toy possessive myself!

  7. Total respect for Lego Master.
    If a snot nosed kid comes and takes over on a piece of equipment that one of my boys is playing with at the park, I am all for telling them off. I polish it off with a look of death as they walk away.
    Works every time.
    See, who needs a voice when you have the stare from hell...

  8. @Megan - My husband will be happy to hear he has supporters. He might even start a Possessive Anonymous group

    @Grace - Look of death, hmmm. Perhaps I can shave an eyebrow for effect?

  9. Welcome back to me. Crazy week last week and this week. I totally get how pissed you get with kids and dads. Perhaps it has something to do with my height or should I say my lack of it. My two girls only listen to their Pa. I do have a death stare which Mikaela have quite perfected meaning nada effect anymore, a shaved eyebrow may be the trick!