I wish the Government would just come out and say it. The world is going to end. That's why we're ruining the economy, destroying our food and letting bed bugs rule the city. I know what they're afraid of: Anarchy. But even if society went all out in a Wild West kind of looting spree, it would still be better than going to a boring job every day - saving money that's deflating by the minute or paying a heavy premium on insurance that ain't worth shit.
Give us the count down guys and we'll handle the rest, that's what I got to say. Instead of stressing out over health, weight and parental discretion, I'd let the kids eat chips, cookies and pizza all day and watch R rated movies. I'd drink myself into oblivion with an endless supply of hot wings and fries all charged to my credit card whilst waiting for the Tsunami that drowned New York.
But that's just my little fantasy. It's as stupid as those fantasies people harbor about what they'd buy if they'd won the Lottery.
In the end, I have to face reality and learn how to deal with this anvil made of taxes, bills and loose Bakugan balls that are weighing down my otherwise upbeat demeanor.
Desperate for good news, I decided to take the advice of a good friend. She suggested washing my hands with salt to get rid of bad karma. It's some sort of Feng Shui, Asian ritual that sounded harmless enough, but of course when I tried it, the result was my eczema flared up.
I'm more than a loser, I'm a nebbish.