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Monday, April 23, 2012

Child Birth Hop

Prompted by Tricia at Critters and Crayons and Bridget at Twinisms, this is my first ever blog hop and the subject is giving birth. Unfortunately, I didn't give birth - at least not naturally. So there's no tale of woe and pain to tell. Even if I did, it would probably sound wimpy in comparison to Ava's of Grapes and Oranges. How I wish I could say I was in labor for fifteen hours until finally the doctors cracked me open like an egg. But that would be my mother's tale. Of when she had me.

No, I went planned C section - both times. Like Britney Spears. Of course, I didn't get the deluxe package with a tummy tuck afterwards but here's a gratuitous pregnancy shot:

If you're wondering why the photo is headless, it's because it's a shot of Britney. I honestly don't have a single picture of when I was pregnant. Do you feel the love?

So, when you go C-section, there's nothing to talk about except blood and guts - literally. All I remember was freezing my ass off in the operating room and the staff telling my husband not to look behind the curtain that separates us and the action.

Do you see the potential in that? It's like trusting an alcoholic to hold your beer for you.

They proceeded to cut me open. Doctors and nurses with masked faces surround me and they're joking around, as if I'm the water cooler at the office. Their eyes are merry as each go about their duty, looking busy - holding my bladder, scooping up my intestines, yanking a friggin' baby out of my uterus.

The whole time, my husband is stealing glances.

"Wow," he says, "you're really brave."

What the heck does that mean?

Not to make a mountain out of a molehill, but I did feel them yanking Kazuki out of me. As I stared into the face of wonder and fell in love with my baby boy, from the corner of my eye, I could see the doctors and nurses piling my shit back in. It would be cute to compare me to Humpty Dumpty - this is about babies after all - but no, it was more like the haphazard way you stuff strings of Christmas lights back into the storage box.

Actually, I loved my obstetrician. He looked like a benevolent baker rather than the reputable "high-risk" specialist that he was. Dr. Z delivered Isamu as well. I was forty then, and his response was, "What do you say, Ms. Russo - let's have another one!"

 Yeah - no. And thanks for holding my beer.

Zuki hours old

With Samu acting all professional

10 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! :) I love the headless Britney! :) And guffawed at this :

    The whole time, my husband is stealing glances.

    "Wow," he says, "you're really brave."

    What the heck does that mean?

    You are just super funny Nami! And of course, I love love the shoutout! :) Regarless of the CS, you are a cool mom, the boys are adorable. They all are at birth right?
    Superimposed the pics of toothless Zuki here and then the cheeky Samu here.
    We got mayhem in our hands.

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    1. Hey, thank you for sharing your story - just thinking about it gives me phantom cramps.

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  2. Headless Britney almost made me pee myself! Seriously. Childbirth effed up my bladder.

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    1. Yes, and I never got rid of the gas. I fart openly now - Miles and I can start a Fart Club.

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  3. you looked great right after the c section!!! i probably should have had one....i got pretty torn up!!! thanks for linking up to the blog hop!

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    1. The Blog Hop was fun - next time, I'll email you or Bridget to find out how to add those "you're next" buttons.

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  4. My wife was in active labor for @3 hours. Yeah, it was that quick. We (okay, she) opted for natural childbirth. I didn’t pass out, or vomit or any of that crazy stuff. I saw the entire thing L I V E ! Beautiful is the only word that can best describe what I saw.

    I remember going home that evening and calling my mother and telling her, “I had no idea the female organ could do that!” She laughed and laughed.

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    1. We had no idea our equipment could do that either!

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  5. wait....they take parts of you OUT during c section besides the baby? and the nurses get to put it back in?

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    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, it's like "Operation," without the electrocution of course.

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