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Saturday, November 5, 2011

Mow Hair

"The grass is always greener on the other side" is a terminology I recently explained to the boys. For those unfamiliar with it - the term has nothing to do with grass. It's an expression that points out how some people act as if nothing they have is any good because everybody else has it better. As an example for my boys, I told them how my best friend (with naturally curly hair) and I would go through this dialogue about our hair.

I told them how I always used to say to her, "Oh I wish I had your curly hair."

To which my friend would reply, "Oh, I wish I had your straight hair - let's trade!"

I demonstrated how we'd pretend to peel our hair off like a wig and exchange them but my boys reacted as if it was the dumbest thing they ever heard.

"It's like that skit when Elmo tried to swap his fur for Whoopi Goldberg's skin," I reiterated but they didn't remember. So, instead of understanding the terminology, they were left with this imagery of two girls trying to scalp each other.

When I finally realized that my hair would never be curly, I then saw the greener grass as being blond. As a capricious teenager with no money and a dream, I dumped a whole bottle of hydrogen peroxide into a basin and soaked my hair in it. The result was split ends - and I'm not talking about the band.

My mother shoved two twenties in my hand and told me I was not allowed back into the house until I chopped it off. She kicked me out of the house as if I were a Jehovah's Witness that got in through the window - she meant business. That day, the hairdresser hacked off eight inches of fried hair and since then I never grew my hair past my shoulders...until now.

Long hair is not a choice - it's what happens when a woman lacks the time and the money to keep it in check. It gets into my mouth when I'm trying to take a sip of beer at a beer garden. I have to tie it up when I cook or do anything because it falls in front of my face blinding me - it sucks.

And the absolute worst chore is washing it. Since the colder weather, I blow dry it now - the lazy way. Bent over upside down. The result of this lackluster styling is, I wind up looking like Gene Simmons. Yes, that Gene Simmons from Kiss...but how he looks now.

If I could pick anything off Gene Simmons to resemble, it wouldn't be his hair. Guess the grass is always greener on the other side. At least grass gets mowed.

Could be worse...
Definitely worse.


  1. You are so right!!! I have long hair because I never make it to get it cut or styled. I pull it in a ponytail and that's that. I think your hair looks fine in the pic. At least you have that pretty, thick Asian hair. I'm half Asian and still got screwed out of the pretty eyes and Asian hair. I'm really mad at my dad for that. haha! Funny post! You do NOT look like Gene Simmons. :)

  2. hahaha!! Don't worry, the only thing your hair and Gene's hair have in common is that you are both brunette.

  3. That's kind of you gals to say. I think no matter what, there comes a point when you just can't stand your hair! Britney Spears wasn't completely nuts when she shaved her head.

  4. I guess it's all a matter of perspective b/c I wouldn't even call your hair long (and it's definitely un-Gene-like!) Me? I'VE got some long-ass hair! Honestly, I'm terrified to cut it. I've just always HAD long hair. And I'm afraid I'll look like Carrot Top or something if I cut it...which is sooo much worse than Gene Simmons, lemme tell ya. ;)

  5. I miss my blog friends!! WAAAAAAh! I am so behind my reading it's been crazy in the office these past weeks, craziest this week. I will be back promise!
    And we have the same black luckluster asian hair, I always thought it was the result of all the thinking and reviewing I did for the board exam that's why it kinda died on me. I had beautiful hair in my pre-adolescent puberty years.
    Anyho, it is always short these days, wash and wear, that's my gameplan.
    You don't look like Gene but the sneer/frown? is more or less copied. ;)
    Missed you!

  6. @Michelle - Carrot Top! Ha, ha! That's a fear I could relate to. It's not that I hate long hair - I'm just too lazy to take care of it.

    @grapesandoranges - Yes, my Latino friends laugh when I tell them that Asian hair can be "kinky". My Jewish friends, however, feel my pain.

  7. Your hair is FAR from looking like Gene Simmons! Though you didn't stick out your tongue, so I couldn't do an adequate comparison.

  8. Megan, if my tongue even remotely resembled Gene Simmons', I'd have shot myself a long time ago.