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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Buried Myths

It's by far my worst fear - being buried alive. It comes right after being eaten alive by zombies. Or werewolves. The only reason that being food for non-existent monsters comes in second is because A) they're non-existent monsters and B) I look forward to a chance to break in my shotgun before I become dinner.

There's no way to be prepared for being buried alive. I know - I've watched countless movies about it. All I've learned so far from watching The Serpent And The Rainbow, The Vanishing, Kill Bill 2 and After.Life is that your chances of popping out of a premature burial are greater if you wear cowboy boots.

Now I can add what I've learned from watching Buried directed by Rodrigo Cortes.

If you haven't seen this claustrophobic flick yet, I guess I'd recommend it. Despite the fact that the entire movie was Ryan Reynolds in a box, it was quite entertaining. Fortunately, the character was buried with a Blackberry. If he was buried with an iPhone, or rather my iPhone, he'd have no reception and that's only if he were lucky enough to have battery life after the first phone call.

Although I didn't learn anything about escaping from a grave, I did learn that cell phones can't easily be traced. If you think I'm kidding, ask anybody who's had their iPhone swiped if the cops offered to "track" the lost phone for them. I'll bet they laugh in your face.

Yes it's one of those myths we take comfort in. And here's another. During the North East black out of 2003 when all of New York City lost power, I discovered that you can't climb out of elevators either. The doorman of our office building confided that we were lucky nobody was stuck in any of the elevators because they'd have been in there for the duration of the black out.

"Can't you climb out the escape door in the ceiling like they do in the movies?" I asked the doorman.

"Next time you're in an elevator, look up and tell me if you see an escape door." He replied.

It made me shudder just thinking about being stuck in an elevator during a black out. That's like being...BURIED ALIVE.

It's dark, you're clueless and confined. You have to pee. It was enough to make me take the stairs for two weeks. Luckily, I worked on the ground level.


  1. Why does the elevator scenario scare me so much?
    probably your awesome writing... *shudders*

  2. Uh. The thought is horrifically disturbing. Thank you for this post- I'm going to watch The Lion King, instead. hahaha!

  3. @grapesandoranges- elevators are scary simply because you have no control over them. BUT...they're convenient. Kind of like mother-in-laws. Whoops, I said it.

    @crittersandcrayons: Hey, don't mention it. It's ALL Disney's money anyway!

  4. At least you've got rational(ish) fears...outside of, ya know, the zombies. And, ok, the werewolves. Me? I honest-to-God can't pee in my guest bathroom in the deep-dark middle of the night b/c I'm convinced an undead woman is lurking inside my tub and intends to grab me mid-urine stream. The Shining scarred me for life. I wish I were joking.