Pages

Amazon Homepage

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Problem Line


Yesterday, I served black bean and corn salad (it was fiberlicious by the way). I also served Jury Duty. Not as much fiber but plenty of material.

In sue-happy New York City, can you imagine how many civil trials are pending? You guessed it.

A shit load.

From experience, I know that most civil cases have a minimum wait period of about three years for a court date. Even getting in the building took forever - like twenty-nine minutes because they only had one security scanner open. And I thought the airport was bad.

Anyway, the whole jury serving thing...yeah, I was excused.

Apparently, if you take care of kids - or someone as old as Moses - you can go. But not so fast. Once again, I had to wait in what they call a "Problem Line."

The problem with the problem line is, a lot of people get on it with only a problem for serving.

"Oh, I'll come up with something," this dude behind me said.

It's bad enough he's trying to get out of serving his civic duty when he's perfectly capable, but then he started interviewing the other people in line to give him some ideas.

"What's your excuse," he asked a woman.

"I have a three month old baby." She said.

"Alright, then I'm gonna say I have ten kids."

Now, I saw this guy and he looked to be about twenty. When the advice giving woman told him he would have to present the kid's birth certificate, he realized the excuse wasn't going to work.

I wanted to give him a suggestion. How about too stupid?

Moving on, he asked another man in front of him what his excuse was and the man said, "No speak Ingles."

Then he laughed. They both laughed and the man added (in English), "Hey, it's worth a shot, you know?"

First of all (dumb-ass), they told us clearly, if you're not a citizen - you can't serve. But if he is a citizen, then he needs to speak English. Even if he were a Naturalized Citizen, he's required to speak English just to pass the test.

So personally - I have a problem with that.

I really wanted to stick around and see these bozos get their Juror ID card handed back to them and told to sit down for jury selection. I really wanted to - but the auditors told me to go and it seemed pressing to get out of the building before they changed their mind. Deep down, I wanted them to get on their knees and beg me to stay but who am I kidding - my husband doesn't even do that.

They said they would call me back in two years and I made them promise. With luck, they'll select me as a juror for Criminal Court and then I can write a John Grisham type post instead of subjecting you to watch this clip from the Grinch that captures the spirit of Jury Duty so well.

16 comments:

  1. Dammit! I was really hoping you'd serve so you could be witness to some serious loserdom and then write about it and entertain the heck out of me. Fortunately, there are losers everywhere. That, and I'm entertained just reading about your black bean and corn salad fiber intake. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If the wait wasn't SO boring and the promise of a juicy case was imminent, I might've stuck around but I really just wanted to shoot myself. Guess that's why they have the metal detectors, huh.

      Delete
  2. Aw! I got out of jury duty but not for trying- i and another guy asked too many questions- they wanted quiet people. haha! That dude behind you doesn't sound like he'd be a member of a "jury of your peers"....scary if he ever were selected! Sorry for being off the grid- We've been road-tripping!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I've read your Road Tripping blues - side road potty! It's nice of the lawyers to let you ask questions. In New York, they pretty much railroad you, no matter how pushy you try to be.

      Delete
  3. Pardon me, but doesn’t this make twice you’ve been called to serve on a jury? Dear God, I’d give up a kidney to serve. Okay, I’m being a bit facetious here.

    Gee, are you not the luckiest woman on earth? The guy who wanted to pretend not to speak English—too funny! I’m sure they’ve heard that excuse a million and one times.

    I wonder if they’d let me off the hook if I told them what I do for a living?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The auditor's opening speech went, "If you have a problem with an ethnic group, hate cops or don't believe in the system - you still have to serve jury duty."

      The only way to get off the hook is Stay-at-home mom/dad, non-citizen or felony criminal. We're a nice bunch, eh?

      Delete
  4. I wish too stupid was an excuse more people used not to do things. Like leave their houses or drive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're just going to Walmart anyway.

      Delete
  5. Way too scary... I most definitely would NOT want a jury trial if I had a choice, given these circumstances. Good grief...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not to mention, trial lawyers are scarier than any snake you might find mowing your lawn! Scoundrels, all of them.

      Delete
  6. Geez, I had to wait ALL DAY LONG in a cold room and I finished my book before they said, "Seeya!"

    ~The G is Silent

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is one of those posts I started reading with no idea about and then ended with a lot of things to ponder about. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like why do we still follow an old Greek system for the law...

      Delete
  8. I sure hope if I ever get called for jury duty it'll be an exciting case. I also wonder how in a place as small as Kanawha county WV they manage to find enough people who don't already know the people on trial.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They probably recycle!

      Seriously, you can take my place for the next round in TWO years!

      Delete

There was an error in this gadget