Yesterday, I served black bean and corn salad (it was fiberlicious by the way). I also served Jury Duty. Not as much fiber but plenty of material.
In sue-happy New York City, can you imagine how many civil trials are pending? You guessed it.
A shit load.
From experience, I know that most civil cases have a minimum wait period of about three years for a court date. Even getting in the building took forever - like twenty-nine minutes because they only had one security scanner open. And I thought the airport was bad.
Anyway, the whole jury serving thing...yeah, I was excused.
Apparently, if you take care of kids - or someone as old as Moses - you can go. But not so fast. Once again, I had to wait in what they call a "Problem Line."
The problem with the problem line is, a lot of people get on it with only a problem for serving.
"Oh, I'll come up with something," this dude behind me said.
It's bad enough he's trying to get out of serving his civic duty when he's perfectly capable, but then he started interviewing the other people in line to give him some ideas.
"What's your excuse," he asked a woman.
"I have a three month old baby." She said.
"Alright, then I'm gonna say I have ten kids."
Now, I saw this guy and he looked to be about twenty. When the advice giving woman told him he would have to present the kid's birth certificate, he realized the excuse wasn't going to work.
I wanted to give him a suggestion. How about too stupid?
Moving on, he asked another man in front of him what his excuse was and the man said, "No speak Ingles."
Then he laughed. They both laughed and the man added (in English), "Hey, it's worth a shot, you know?"
First of all (dumb-ass), they told us clearly, if you're not a citizen - you can't serve. But if he is a citizen, then he needs to speak English. Even if he were a Naturalized Citizen, he's required to speak English just to pass the test.
So personally - I have a problem with that.
I really wanted to stick around and see these bozos get their Juror ID card handed back to them and told to sit down for jury selection. I really wanted to - but the auditors told me to go and it seemed pressing to get out of the building before they changed their mind. Deep down, I wanted them to get on their knees and beg me to stay but who am I kidding - my husband doesn't even do that.
They said they would call me back in two years and I made them promise. With luck, they'll select me as a juror for Criminal Court and then I can write a John Grisham type post instead of subjecting you to watch this clip from the Grinch that captures the spirit of Jury Duty so well.