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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Please, Don't Use The Charmin

Toilet stories are synonymous with battle stories when it comes to raising kids. Just visit "Critters And Crayons" toilet paper hunt or "Twinisms" upper decker with TP and you'll know what I mean. Just like potty training, ABC's and telling time - I know that my boys will EVENTUALLY learn how much toilet paper to use. Until then, they are required to use wet wipes when they go number two.

Yes, wet wipes are expensive and no, they can't flush them down the toilet but here's the plus side. They are dispensed one at a time - and if my boys ever go to Mexico (you can't flush the toilet paper, it has to be discarded) they'll feel right at home.

Until now, we haven't had any toilet paper issues - but the other day, I moved the wet wipes and Samu couldn't find them.

From the bathroom, I heard the usual call, "Moooommmmeeee! I went pooooooopeeeee!"

The boys have an exhibitionist streak in that they need to show me the goods.

But this time, I heard Samu struggling and whining, "I can't DO it!"

I walked in to find Samu with a wad of toilet paper as big as his head, trying to wipe between his butt cheeks.

Need...more...toilet paper!
 Being the ever resourceful (cheapskate) mom that I am, I flushed the piece that actually made contact and set aside the rest to clean up the friggin' pee they get all over the place.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they'll never learn how to use toilet paper. I, on the other hand have learned better ways to take pictures. Check this out:

Blossom Head

Talk to my stick
Now I can act like a Japanese tourist with some confidence!

18 comments:

  1. Wet Wipes, eh?! Lucky boys of yours. Don’t tell them but, wet wipes DO flush.

    I just wish my handsome blond haired, blue eyed chick magnet of a boy would learn to F L U S H the damn toilet after each use! I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve entered his bathroom, only to be knocked on my backside by the smell of stale urine that’s been fermenting for God knows how many days.

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  2. Since we pay for our water and sewage, I'd rather have the fermenting pee than have to shell out a couple of hundred dollars for an ounce of urine. But that's just me.

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  3. Bwahahahaha!! Don't worry about crappy pictures, your captions are genius! You always come up with the wittiest captions I can only try to emulate.
    That Samu! :)
    Japanese tourist? Okay! :)

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    1. Yes, my picture-taking skills really do make you want to "shoot" the photographer. Like with a gun, but thanks for the caption compliment!

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  4. Hahahaha!!! At least you didn't walk in and find him head on the ground ass in the air waiting for a wipe. That was always my favorite. If you want I can draw you a picture. Let me know.

    ~The G is Silent

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    1. A diagram would be fantastic. I'm sort of a visual learner.

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  5. Might have to try the wet wipes thing 'cause, yeah, Lily uses something like five rolls of paper per poop. And one of her latest pastimes involves shoving a big, long wad of paper betwixt her butt cheeks, running around naked, and squealing, "look at my tail! Look at my tail!"

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    1. The Toilet Paper Tail - that's brilliant! It can also gauge butt-cheek chubbiness.

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  6. Oh geez! I'd forgotten about the "upper decker!" That kid...

    Mine are now wiping their own butts. However, they wipe them by pulling the toilet paper from - but not off - the roll, wiping, then leaving it hanging there.

    Double gross.

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    1. That is like a college-level stunt. One smart boy, that Jackson.

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  7. Namzola, speaking of toilet paper, or things to wipe your butt with in general, after counting up to fourteen via the comments and emails I've received, you've "won" my contest to receive a free copy of the Space and Time mag. with my story in it. If you haven't picked it up at a newsstand yet, I'd be happy to send it to ya. Please email me using the address on the header on my blog, and let me know the address to send it to, and I'd be honored to do so.

    And, oh yeah, I used to show my parents the deed and ask money for it when I was about five or six. Strangely, they'd occasionally comply. Maybe because I threatened to make a mess and never did?

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    1. Hooray - I won!! Thanks, Steve. And I wouldn't put it past Samu to come up with a "Poop Fairy" one day.

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  8. Hahahahaa you are hilarious as usual! Here in Indonesia we do things a bit differently although I always use toilet paper for my boy, his grandma on the other hand doesn't like that thing. In her mind, that toilet paper roll is a waste of money and unclean! So imagine my horror one day coming home to a boy who was screaming bloody murder because my mom decided to 'wash' his butt the traditional way with shower head? Hahahaha. Those pictures are awesome btw and your boy is a handsome young fella!

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    1. You know, somehow, I think your mom has the right idea.

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  9. Your kids crack me up! This post kind of reminded me of that "poop or chocolate" scene from baby mama.

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    1. Baby Mama has a "poop/chocolate" scene, too?! My family is nuts over the "Diary Of A Wimpy Kid" one.

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  10. Thanks for the shout, Nami! And that photo by the trees is beautiful! Did you draw that picture? haha!

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    1. As a matter of fact...I did draw that picture. One of my mediocre talents, thanks for laughing.

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