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Monday, March 19, 2012

La Femme Mamasita

Out of the blue, on the way home from school, Zuki asked me to tell him all I know about guns. I may not be a gun-toting mom like Sarah Palin, but I once owned a handgun license - and in New York, that's a process more bombastic than finding legal street parking.

It has been about eight years since I practiced target shooting and about five years since I sold my beloved handguns for a song to cancel my license. In two minutes, I searched the furthest corner of my brain and took a deep breath. "Well..." I said as if I would break into the Isley Brothers Shout, and for ten minutes, I gave him the 101 on rifles, handguns, revolvers and automatics and different calibers.

He was fascinated.

Naturally, his next question was, "Can I have a gun?"

"Maybe," I said because I knew his chances of getting married first were far greater.

Then again, we could always move to Pennsylvania where he can own a machine gun if he wants (and we could get cases of Stoudt's). Still, it seems kind of drastic to uproot a whole family in order to be legal gun owners - in a state with virtually no crime. They have a lot of cows, though.

Prying off his shoes, he started huffing towards his 19th nervous breakdown. I'm thinking it's because of my answer. So I tell him more about the responsibilities, the code of using weapons and not to mention, the cost and red tape. As he's listening, he grows more agitated until finally, he interrupts me.

"So, if there's a bunch of zombies attacking us, you won't give me a gun?"

"Oh don't be silly," I say, "of course, I'd give you a gun if there were a zombie attack!"

He releases a sigh of relief and goes about his merry way. Meanwhile, I'm glad all is well again but did I seriously just have this conversation?

Art by MRusso (daddy) - rifle magazine & chicken bones that didn't make stock

15 comments:

  1. Was that pun intentional? Brilliant. The chicken bones aren't in the butt stock area- and they didn't make chicken stock broth. Very interesting play on words and art. :)

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    1. Oh yes, military mama - of course YOU would see that. Actually, I hadn't a clue so, no...pun intended that is. What's it for, an M-16?

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  2. Now, why am I not surprised to have this gun talk related to zombies? ;) I love how this cute guy thinks.

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    1. EVERYTHING is about zombies right now. Thank God "The Walking Dead" season is over!

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  3. What if the zombies were only in PA? Would you move there to fight them?

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    1. Oh - TOTALLY! Nothing beats sitting on the back porch with a beer and a rifle, pickin' off zombies - wouldn't you agree?

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  4. To me, it looks like an M16/M4 magazine and the butt stock made of the black material seems to follow the line of it, too...but, who knows? There are lots of black rifles out there. haha! The "stock" wordplay still is pretty cool- especially if it's unintentional. :)

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  5. Or is it an artistic guitar? I could see it as a guitar, too. :)

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    1. Acoustic guitar? Okay, that might mean you need some therapy...

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  6. You definitely know more about them than I do! Which is sort of sad because my dad's in the military AND I'm from West Virginia. Us country girls are supposed to be gun saavy. All I know can be summed up with these 2 sentences. They can be dangerous. You will need bullets to shoot one.

    :)

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    1. Don't feel bad, my dad was a black belt in Karate and I know nothing about it either. As for the danger aspect, anything is dangerous in the wrong hands - like my mother behind the wheel of a car!

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  7. Well handled, my dear. Luckily for me, I haven’t had to explain that word. He does however, run around our home, pretending to shoot me, his mommy and other bad guys, all the time; in a playful kind of way. This picture is hilarious! Chicken bones, who would’ve thought of that!!

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    1. Yes, my husband's work is quite "organic". Cats love it.

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  8. I swear, before I'd even finished the second paragraph, I was thinking, "Zombies! The kid's totally gonna want to shoot some zombies." No lie.

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    1. Well of course because, you know zombies are all the rave now.

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