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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Birthday Hijack

It didn't take me long before I realized I had a swindler on my hands. Two years ago, I wrote a post on Samu's negotiation skills.

How does he do it? He gets what he wants - every - single - time? From toys we swore we'd never, ever buy him to teach a lesson; to candy we pledged to keep out of his hands until he was ready for college; Samu has managed to hijack them all. Maybe it's his extremely high pitched voice - it drives dogs crazy. It could be his diminutive, yet anatomically correct size. I mean, he's a pea man - it's like trying to resist a leprechaun! But I think it's probably just his relentless drive to obtain what he wants and he proved this once again at a birthday party thrown at the infamous Chuck E. Cheese.

Ever since he went to a birthday party there last year, all he's been asking is to have his next birthday celebration there. I wouldn't mind hosting it there except for one problem: beer - or lack thereof.

I've got a reputation to keep up, know what I mean?

Besides, I knew what the little terrorist was up to - all he wanted was to spend thirty seconds in the Ticket Blaster. It's a booth that blows loose tickets around the Birthday Freak (joined by a guest) and they get to keep however many they grab. The first time Samu saw it, his eyes bulged out of his sockets with a huge Cha-CHING! So, at this party, when the birthday boy was called for the endeavor, who was front and center? You guessed it.

I found myself next to the mom who threw the last Chuck E. Cheese birthday shindig.

I asked her if the Ticket Blaster was only for birthday gigs, hoping it was perhaps available to rent for ten bucks.

"It's only for birthday kids," she confirmed.

My future was looking bleak. I could just picture how relentless Samu would be until he got to go in that booth.

Just then, a miracle happened. Instead of his mom or dad, the gracious birthday host asked Samu to be his guest in the booth.

Could it be? I thought. Is this deliverance? Yes, yes, it was. I filmed the event for evidence and plan to use the footage for my most diabolical scheme ever: psychological warfare.

The next time he asks, "Can I have my birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese?"

I'm going to say, "But you've already had one, see? You're in the Ticket Blaster! Only birthday boys get to go in there!"

Shh - don't mention the actual birthday boy has a crown on.

I may just burn in a computer generated Hell for this, but he got to knock that event off his Bucket List. And as a Master Card ad might say, "Saving yourself from a Sunday with a six-foot drunk mouse? Priceless."

No, I mean literally, priceless - thank you, birthday host parents.


  1. That boy of yours looks happier than a pig in mud!

    Chuck-e-Cheese doles out beer? Since when did they start doing this? I haven’t seen a Chuck-e-Cheese in like 25 years! For some reason, I thought they went under back when TG&Y were around. Remember that chain, TG&Y?

    If you’re not from the Deep South, like me, you won’t have a clue about them.

    1. A pig in mud - he'll appreciate that. And no beer at Chuck E's, that's why I can't be seen there.

      TG&Y...have to Google that.

  2. Friend, I seriously doubt this would deter your little swindler! But I'll humor you. :) Keep us posted on how this diabolical scheme will play out as the little guy's bday comes..

    1. Oh yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

  3. Dude. When did Chuck E Cheese stop serving beer? Seriously, the used to.

    You lucked out on the ticket blaster. I hate you a little for it - but only a little.

    1. They probably stopped serving beer when a drunk dad barfed in the Ticket Blaster.

  4. They don't serve beer anymore? Wow! My husband will never go to another kid's bday again. I guarantee it! Unless I show him your ticket blaster video....

    1. Seriously. That's why we do bowling alleys. Big balls and beer. It's the only way to celebrate.

  5. I swore off Chuck E. Cheese's the day I saw a kid grab a cherry tomato off the salad bar, pop it in his mouth, spit it out, and then stick it back on the bar. That image haunts me to this day.

    1. Ewwww - thanks for telling me that. Come to think of it, I think the salad platter was all I picked from. The pizza is...interesting.