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Thursday, February 2, 2012

Hymn Of The Schedule Battle

Every stay-at-home parent faces this question at least once in their career, "What do you do all day?" Although, I admit, my husband's been smart about not asking that question - I do get asked from complete strangers. The audacity, right? Usually I tell them that I go bar hopping after shoe shopping and they know to avoid asking me that question again.

After reading Megan's quirky entry at "Best Of Fates", where she posted a snapshot of her awkward schedule and visiting Bridget's hilarious post at "Twinisms" on why she was so tired - I decided, why not pile on more evidence? Just to show you how good your life is.

05:53 am  My eyes snap open. I await an onslaught of some sort
05:57 am  Still trying to go back to sleep but I'm sure a little guy is going to crash my bed any sec
06:05 am  The alarm goes off - I curse the lost 12 minutes of sleep
06:20 am  Ten minute workout with husband farting throughout the ENTIRE thing. STIN-keee!
06:45 am  The battle begins!! And goes on until I drop the suckers off @school
08:45 am  Jot down a "To Do" list and ignore it completely
09:00 am  Write, check emails, pay bills and stare - just stare - at the mess in my house
12:00 pm  Realize I can't have lunch because I haven't gone shopping and starve
12:01 pm  Set up manuscripts to send in for rejection notices
 2:20 pm  Pick up the Air Head and begin the homework battle
 5:45 pm  Pick up "Piss Pants" a.k.a. Samu and begin the dinner battle
 8:30 pm  Put the demons to bed and say, "Don't give me any crap tomorrow!"

But of course, they do give me crap because I wasn't specific enough. Same day - different battle hymn. As for the attempt to make myself look noble, you know, the 'manuscript' submission thing? Yeah, well it's like saying I'm sending out my resume to an electronic job posting (which I have done). Useless, yes, but it feeds my delusion so nicely.

With my day typed out like this, you may think me productive. Organized even. But I assure you that nothing - absolutely nothing - gets done on time around here. Well, except beer o'clock.

17 comments:

  1. I have no idea where my day goes, but I know it involves lots of snot, poop, and vomit. Glamorous, I know.

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    1. Glamorous, indeed. They're going to make a perfume of those elements as subliminal birth control.

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  2. OMG ! How tempting does that beer look ??? I can't remember the last time I had a cold, inviting beer. Sad, but true. Happy (belated) new year !

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    1. Okay, okay...settle down ladies. This is not a nude picture of Dave Navarro or anything - it's just a beer. But I totally get it - AAAGGHGHHGHGH!!!!

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  3. Here, we don't start drinking until beer-thirty. You guys are crazy!

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    1. Yeah, cuz those extra 30 minutes is like the difference between right and...not so right!

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  4. Oh, I bet your hubby loved that workout disclosure!!! haha!

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    1. Honestly, it's what keeps him going.

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  5. Lovin' Samu's new monicker! The cold beer is so tempting, I just might drink a glass. You may however send me an NY coaster anytime. :)

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    1. Ava, leave it to you to notice the coaster! Alright, I steal a couple for you - it's how we get all our bar-gear.

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  6. Where's my comment? Why don't I know how to use the internet?

    Must be the extreme tiredness and wine...I should probably switch to beer. ;)

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    1. Beer doesn't stain teeth...but it gives you wicked gas. Oh well, six of one and half of whatever. Math stinks.

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  7. That beer looks outstanding. It whispers, "Drink me, drink meeeeeeee..." Your day sounds chaotic indeed. As for the sending out of manuscripts, a new trick: I gave to the ASPCA a thousand times recently, and ever since I've had tons of organizations send me pitches--and handy address labels. (I have so many Xmas address labels that I will shamelessly use them all year, for many years.) To cut down on the dozens of envelopes of address labels, I decided that I would throw out one label for a) every submission sent out, email or snail mail; b) every chapter completed, or every 10 pages typed; c) every hour of continuous work done. I haven't put a dent on the piles of labels, but I've been more productive. Just a thought...

    And we need to talk about how the woman in the writing ad looks more than a little like Angelina Jolie.

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    1. Bummer, I'm not getting the same Angelina writing ads. Google must be picking up different key words, because all I get is "Help With Your Drinking" ads.

      Good strategy with the address labels. I find tally's, timers and journals are the best whip-crackers. Hope your novel's coming along and I plan to check out your interview w/Dr. Holland.

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  8. My day includes telling middle schoolers things that you would assume one should only have to tell preschoolers. Stop kicking each other! Hands to yourself! Stop making fart noises!

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    1. Fart related stuff never ceases. I learned that from ten years of marriage.

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