Mental Diarrhea

No person in their right mind puts the word "diarrhea" in a blog title. But it has occurred to me that the words "right" and "mind" are an oxymoron when describing my thought process. According to my husband, Zuki and my mother, I am never right anyway.

Never.

Samu, remains loyal to mommy no matter what. But he may be a Leprechaun, so I'm not sure if having him on my team is a good thing.

Getting back to "Mental Diarrhea," I took an extra long hiatus from blogging and now my complaints are backed up.

For starters, mice. They have invaded my kitchen. Up until recently, I had the perfect pest control - stray cats. I swear we must've had at least twenty feral felines patrolling the backyard. Sure, the cats were a little annoying with their middle-of-the-night fornication, but I don't mind waking up to howls of kitty orgasms half as much as finding mice turd behind the microwave.

Samu wants to catch the mice so he can keep them as pets. Like I said, he's not sane enough to have on my team.

Next, on my list - teeth. Samu had his extra tooth extracted during Spring break. This is what it looks like:

Sperm Tooth

It sort of confirms my notion that he's actually a Leprechaun. Despite its deformity, and the fact that it was extracted by a dentist, he only received the standard dollar for it. I told him he should keep it and charge a quarter to view it - he would've made a killing. He opted for payment upfront. Leprechauns these days...I tell ya.

Then Zuki lost another baby tooth last Friday. Between the Russo brothers, that makes two teeth in less than two weeks. There should be a maximum for Tooth Fairy payouts - or an unlimited plan. Who came up with this shit anyway?

Lastly, I fell deathly ill from sun stroke. That's what happens when you break your vow to never, ever, ever go to the zoo on a field trip again - but that's a whole other story. Zuki switched classes in March and I wanted to meet his new classmates. So far, I met the boy who devoured the contents of a quart sized Tupperware filled with flank steak, rice and beans, half a ham & cheese hero, an orange and a plum for lunch. Can you imagine what he eats for dinner? I have a feeling he's going to inhale a cow by the time he's 15.

Then there was a girl classmate who sat next to me on the bus ride back. Apparently, she talks to angels. She says, God is like a doctor in the sky. If you're well, you get to go upstairs. If you're not - you have to follow somebody on earth and most probably, that person lives in a small apartment. Her words - honestly. But the clincher was when she asked me why all toys come from China.

"Why can't they make toys in America?" She asked in all earnest.


I always suspected that Santa ran a sweat shop.