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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Oh, That Samu

Age has nothing to do with experience. When it comes to babies and kids, age is just a marker. If your baby isn't walking at 15 months, then I say, sit back and have a cold one because once that thing starts walking you're not going to have a chance to finish anything but a shot of vodka. And you'll need that, too by the way.

Big brother, Zuki liked to take it easy. Talking and walking...what for? He made raising baby so easy, that we decided to have another! But his little brother has always kept me on edge. Even pregnant, I couldn't rest between the hiccups and the skinny elbow poking out from my stretchy blouse. He started walking at exactly eleven months and twenty-nine days. He walked for a day and then took off like lightening towards the nearest speeding car - laughing all the way.

When he entered Kindergarten, I wondered when he'd start pushing the panic button - just for shits and giggles. Kindergarteners love experimenting with strings. You know, the ones that are attached to their parents wrists and head? They play them like marionettes dancing in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Apparently, he figured it out last week. I got that heart stopping phone call from school. "You need to pick up your son - he's had...an accident."

You always brace yourself for the worst. Hospital trip or possible law suit? But no, all it was - was number two. He didn't make it to the midget-throne in time.

I cleaned him up. I tried not to emphasize it and we spent a pleasant afternoon off together.
Mistake Number One. But don't step in number two.

This afternoon, one week later - another phone call. Same thing.

Are you shitting me?

No, it's on your son.

So after I picked him up - he got the talk. The I-know-what-you're-up-to talk. Zuki tried it when he was in Kindergarten, too. He'd tell the teacher he felt feverish and get sent to the nurses office...with two lovely escorts.

I'd take him to the doctor and guess what - his temperature was gone. Like mutant powers or something. After the second time, I told Zuki he'd better not ask to see the school nurse again unless he burst into flames. He got it.

Samu, however, he's got other plans. I can see it in his eyes. I'd like to remember him like this:



But for the past couple of years, he's been like this:
 


So, all I can do is shake my head, dust my hands off and say, "Oh, that Samu!"

14 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! I LOVE when kids outsmart us like that!! When I see Noah's school on caller I.D. I cringe. All through elementary school it was random injuries or hemorrhaging bloody noses.

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    1. Blood - I get. My friend got a call that her first grader was complaining about an "itchy elbow." Seriously.

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  2. Smart kid. He wants time alone with you! Does that make you feel especially shitty?

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    1. It's never me - though I wish it were. He wanted to watch the new Tom & Jerry DVD we bought over the weekend. Still, I feel especially shitty.

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  3. THANKS FOR THE HEAD'S UP ON THE SUBSCRIPTION! How odd was that! I fixed it. Oh my gosh in my head THOUSANDS of people wanted to subscribe but didn't. Stupid Widget.

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    1. Saw you fixed it and I signed up right away. The others will get with it, blog stalkers are relentless!

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  4. "Are you shitting me?"
    I giggled. :)
    And, yeah, kids are parent puppeteering badasses. I'm really sorta in awe of my three-year-old's smoothness sometimes. I take notes.

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  5. Yes, how I wished those techniques worked for adults. It's kind of hard to pull those strings on my mother without a baby-face.

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  6. hahahahaha! That baby picture is precious!!!! I love the second photo, too- He's got personality. I've heard that people just keep having kids until the difficult one comes. We're done, too. haha!

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    1. Yes, Samu can be considered birth control for potential parents!

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  7. Poo in the shorts, eh. Poor poo poo kid! I know that's not funny...to him. But to us adults.... Anyway; yes it is true with the little ones starting to walk around on their own. Yep, when they start, all you do is run after them. All The Time.

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    1. With a rag - or wet wipes. Personally, I hate cleaning up Cheetos orange powder even more than poop.

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  8. Oh yeah, those calls from school can be frightening! I hear ya! Once my son's teacher called and I was so ready to hear something bad has happened. Turned out he went home crying because the teacher made him stayed an extra 5 minutes to read because apparently someone was too busy being the class clown. Sigh. Boys will be boys!

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    1. Oh boy - you got the class clown. You better get him some props - maybe he can perform birthday parties.

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