My kids love to tell the "Interrupting Cow" Knock Knock joke that goes:
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupting Cow wh-
MOO!
I figured it's the rude, interrupting behavior executed by an animal that really gets them going.
So when "Deep Blue Sea" was on the other day, I thought the kids might get a kick out of the only scene of the movie that I remembered - the part where Samuel L. Jackson gets eaten. The first time I saw it, I thought the scene was hilarious because he's giving his big motivational speech in typical S.L.J. style, only to be rudely interrupted and devoured by the ginormous shark.
The first time may have been hilarious, but this time...I was in stitches. You see, I'm a real stinker so I told the boys to really concentrate and watch the scene closely. Their eyes were glued to the screen and their hands gripped tight to their knee caps and you could see the hairs on their neck standing on end...waiting...watching...concentrating. Then Boom! The shark sprung out of the water and grabbed the Negotiator in his jaws and both my boys jumped and instantly started to cry.
"Aw, c'mon guys - don't cry..." I said, feeling a little guilty that it startled them that badly. "It's funny."
"NO-IT'S-NOT," Zuki yelled.
I looked over at Samu and he had tears streaming down his face, his mouth was gaping open in a full out bawl. "Turn it off, Mommy! Turn it off!"
Of course, I turned off the TV and they settled down pretty quick. But the only thing on their minds was the shark who ate Jules Winnfield. Why did he eat him, is he okay, does the shark swim in Aruba, etc., etc. So, to ease their terrorized minds, I mimicked the scene to show them where the humor was.
"The big guy says, We're not gonna fight anymore...we're gonna seal off this area and- CRUNCH!" I clapped my hands together for effect and this time, the boys became hysterical with laughter.
There's that rude, interrupting behavior executed by an animal thing again. It went on for the rest of the weekend and it's still going on. The plus side is, they've developed an interest in sharks...and other animals that eat man.
Do tigers eat man? Maybe. How about wolves? Nah, never. How about crabbies? Only if he's wearing concrete shoes because he fell behind paying the Don. What about giraffes? What about em? Mommy, answer the question!
I saw no end. So instead I posed a question to them. "Do you know what Man eats?"
"What?" They asked in unison.
"Interrupting Cows."
Showing posts with label Samuel L. Jackson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Samuel L. Jackson. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Samu Rodriguez
What do Samu and Alex Rodriguez have in common? Steroids. It seems my three-year-old has to take Prednisone to clear up his poison ivy. Is it a good idea to put a child who regularly jumps off the furniture and talks a mile a minute on a drug whose side effect includes mania? Well, let's see...
As a precaution, I asked my mother to babysit him the first day of administering it. Being that Zuki had a half day of school and he and his gang were meeting up at the park, I didn't think adding a pumped-up three-year-old to a group of Boys-gone-wild was the way to go. My mother agreed to call and see if we should hook up.
I received a voicemail message from her instead and as I listened to it, I was reminded of that scene in The Incredibles where Helen is listening to the increasingly alarmed messages from Jack-Jack's babysitter. My mother's message goes, "We're on our way but Samu is acting really, really Crazy...now he's pushing me - okay -okay he's biting me now and it hurts...WHERE ARE YOU?"
We never did hook up at the park - I wound up picking him up at my mother's house some three hours later. When I got there, he was running from room to room, dumping out toys, putting them back in their containers and dumping them out again. My mother's face was that of despair.
"I have to do the laundry," she said. "He pooped all over the sheets."
I heard that happens to heroin users - uncontrollable bowel movements. I wondered if it's the same with steroids. Then I remembered how Samu's a Pooper anyway. It was probably nothing unusual even though it's his second huge dump in under 24 hours.
What was unusual was his agreeing with me that it was time to go home. Well, he did cry at first but then he did a bipolar turnaround as soon as we gave him a Capri Sun: wah-wah-wah-oh-a drink! Then he bolted, and I mean bolted, out the door skipped down the hall and launched himself at the elevator button. He missed of course, but he thought it was hysterical.
Meanwhile, my mother gave us the Jehovah's Witness goodbye: slammed the door, bolted all the locks - loudly. No, I'm just kidding. I'm sure she wanted to but instead she followed us out and headed for the Bodega, no doubt to buy two King-sized Budweisers.
It's no wonder steroids are banned from sports. It really does seem to give people super-human powers. Later that evening, I watched Samu choke-hold my husband as we tried to finish our dinner and I decided that I would give the medication three days and that's it. One, I don't think our house is covered for body imprints on the wall and two, my mother wants me to sell her the rest on the black market so she can accomplish some Triatholon-type cleaning. What the heck - she might even sweep my garage at five in the morning.
As a precaution, I asked my mother to babysit him the first day of administering it. Being that Zuki had a half day of school and he and his gang were meeting up at the park, I didn't think adding a pumped-up three-year-old to a group of Boys-gone-wild was the way to go. My mother agreed to call and see if we should hook up.
I received a voicemail message from her instead and as I listened to it, I was reminded of that scene in The Incredibles where Helen is listening to the increasingly alarmed messages from Jack-Jack's babysitter. My mother's message goes, "We're on our way but Samu is acting really, really Crazy...now he's pushing me - okay -okay he's biting me now and it hurts...WHERE ARE YOU?"
We never did hook up at the park - I wound up picking him up at my mother's house some three hours later. When I got there, he was running from room to room, dumping out toys, putting them back in their containers and dumping them out again. My mother's face was that of despair.
"I have to do the laundry," she said. "He pooped all over the sheets."
I heard that happens to heroin users - uncontrollable bowel movements. I wondered if it's the same with steroids. Then I remembered how Samu's a Pooper anyway. It was probably nothing unusual even though it's his second huge dump in under 24 hours.
What was unusual was his agreeing with me that it was time to go home. Well, he did cry at first but then he did a bipolar turnaround as soon as we gave him a Capri Sun: wah-wah-wah-oh-a drink! Then he bolted, and I mean bolted, out the door skipped down the hall and launched himself at the elevator button. He missed of course, but he thought it was hysterical.
Meanwhile, my mother gave us the Jehovah's Witness goodbye: slammed the door, bolted all the locks - loudly. No, I'm just kidding. I'm sure she wanted to but instead she followed us out and headed for the Bodega, no doubt to buy two King-sized Budweisers.
It's no wonder steroids are banned from sports. It really does seem to give people super-human powers. Later that evening, I watched Samu choke-hold my husband as we tried to finish our dinner and I decided that I would give the medication three days and that's it. One, I don't think our house is covered for body imprints on the wall and two, my mother wants me to sell her the rest on the black market so she can accomplish some Triatholon-type cleaning. What the heck - she might even sweep my garage at five in the morning.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Clearly, I'm Not The Superhero Type
Iron Man 2, what can I say? If you have boys of your own, you're going to wind up seeing this movie regardless of the reviews. Luckily, it's not as bad as one of those dates that drag you to see Hannah Montana or anything starring J. Lo. Though you won't be raising any IQ's with Iron Man 2, you won't be bored either.
First off, there's Plenty O' Bad Ass in this movie. Starting with Mickey Rourke, who plays Ivan Vanko or Backlash/Whiplash, Long-lasting Lash - oh, what-EVERRR. Once you get over wondering what happened to Mickey Rourke's face, you will enjoy watching him kick Downey Jr.'s butt. It's like he walked off the set of The Wrestler and continued in character only now he has a Russian accent and black hair. He's still smug and says little but I don't care, I like Mickey Rourke and I'm glad he's busy again. By the way, are those his real fingernails?
The next and not least Bad Ass, as always - Mr. Samuel L. Jackson. They need to make a mask of the expression he makes. You know, the one that could make Albert Einstein feel like a dumb ass for splitting an atom. It's the expression that starts with him dropping his chin to his chest, rolling his eyebrows up and taking a breath before he says, "you did what, mutha fuckah?"
Yes sir, if this mask existed, I would wear it on the top of my head so I could just slide it over my face in two seconds the moment one of the three men in my house asked me something. Anything. They'd have their answer and I'd get to conserve my energy for more productive things, like grooming - my hair is a mess.
Now, my husband was really upset when he learned that Terrence Howard would not be playing Rhody. I had to cradle my 198 pound husband in my arms until he stopped sobbing - that's how hard it is for him to adjust to change. But Don Cheadle did good by him, although I thought they didn't quite have the same "buddy" chemistry. For instance, I would never believe the Terrence Howard Rhody would just up and steal his best friend's Iron Man suit but Don Cheadle's Rhody I could. In any case, I hope they don't change actors again until my husband loses at least ten pounds.
My favorite scene was the Black Widow fight scene towards the end. I may have some lesbian tendencies in thinking this, but there's just something about chicks in black, kicking serious butt in slo-mo that is sooooo special. After all, when you've had your fill of bad fight scenes won by Chuck Norris and Steven Segal you get bored of the wrinkled, balding male testosterone angst. Even Mel Gibson makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I'm not Seth Green or nothing but, thank God for boobs.
You can tell I don't get out much anymore. Iron Man 2 - good times.
First off, there's Plenty O' Bad Ass in this movie. Starting with Mickey Rourke, who plays Ivan Vanko or Backlash/Whiplash, Long-lasting Lash - oh, what-EVERRR. Once you get over wondering what happened to Mickey Rourke's face, you will enjoy watching him kick Downey Jr.'s butt. It's like he walked off the set of The Wrestler and continued in character only now he has a Russian accent and black hair. He's still smug and says little but I don't care, I like Mickey Rourke and I'm glad he's busy again. By the way, are those his real fingernails?
The next and not least Bad Ass, as always - Mr. Samuel L. Jackson. They need to make a mask of the expression he makes. You know, the one that could make Albert Einstein feel like a dumb ass for splitting an atom. It's the expression that starts with him dropping his chin to his chest, rolling his eyebrows up and taking a breath before he says, "you did what, mutha fuckah?"
Yes sir, if this mask existed, I would wear it on the top of my head so I could just slide it over my face in two seconds the moment one of the three men in my house asked me something. Anything. They'd have their answer and I'd get to conserve my energy for more productive things, like grooming - my hair is a mess.
Now, my husband was really upset when he learned that Terrence Howard would not be playing Rhody. I had to cradle my 198 pound husband in my arms until he stopped sobbing - that's how hard it is for him to adjust to change. But Don Cheadle did good by him, although I thought they didn't quite have the same "buddy" chemistry. For instance, I would never believe the Terrence Howard Rhody would just up and steal his best friend's Iron Man suit but Don Cheadle's Rhody I could. In any case, I hope they don't change actors again until my husband loses at least ten pounds.
My favorite scene was the Black Widow fight scene towards the end. I may have some lesbian tendencies in thinking this, but there's just something about chicks in black, kicking serious butt in slo-mo that is sooooo special. After all, when you've had your fill of bad fight scenes won by Chuck Norris and Steven Segal you get bored of the wrinkled, balding male testosterone angst. Even Mel Gibson makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I'm not Seth Green or nothing but, thank God for boobs.
You can tell I don't get out much anymore. Iron Man 2 - good times.
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