I was sure he meant something else but he persisted saying, "At my After-School, we're working on my resume."
Rather than ask what a five-year old needs with a resume, I asked if the After School resume writing service was free because I could use some help myself. The cookie-cutter format offered on Monster.com isn't bad - I just have a problem filling it in with the truth.
It's like trying to perk up sagging boobs with Scotch tape bought in a 99 cent shop.
In fact, my resume is so pitiful, I'm tempted to apply for a job at Wendy's Drive Thru because really, what would they want with a resume for that job? All they do is take orders, pack it wrong and forget to include napkins and ketchup. I can do that.
But my true anxiety is "going back to work." As I approach my mental deadline to re-enter the work field, I find myself conjuring up all kinds of nightmares that my absence would incur. What if the boys start singing Eminem songs? Who will tell them to keep their pants on at the table? How many boogers will Samu eat before someone stops him?
You see - I can't go back to work, yet.
In the past four years, I have been on a few interviews. They were...awkward. I'd say, "The hiatus? Well, the hiatus was due to my other full time job: caring for midgets."
"When can I work? Maybe Wednesdays for like...30 minutes. But don't worry, that's just until my kids have moved out."
I supposed I should've ironed out the resume problem before sitting in the hot seat. When I was in charge of hiring at my last real job, I must've looked over thousands of resumes. To save time, I focused on three things: A good objective, spelling and grammar.
Something tells me, Samu's resume would fail them all. Still, I bet he'd land a job with it considering the only place he'd think to send it is the North Pole to work for Santa Claus. He would totally fit in with sweat-shop elves.
I think, however, Samu has an inkling to be an architect. He tells me he wants to build the Empire State Building when he grows up. Yes, he knows it's built already - but his skyscraper is going to be made with Lego and dominoes.
It's a good thing we don't have earthquakes in New York.
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| Hi, King Kong! |
